


One Shots of S.H.I.E.L.D.

by Sugarpieme



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, All aboard the Feels train, Betting, Coffee, Fruit Ninja, Guardian Hawk, Makeup, Maria Hill to the Rescue, Mini Avengers, Multi, Natasha Romanov's Arrow Necklace, Other, P.O.V., Post-Iron Man 2, Tony Stark has pissed someone off. Again., mcdonalds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-18 09:08:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2342945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugarpieme/pseuds/Sugarpieme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically the title. One shots of S.H.I.E.L.D. Prompts from Tumblr and my head. That is all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I wanna play a game Clint...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ThatGirlTheyKnow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatGirlTheyKnow/gifts).



> Message me if you want a prompt written: http://sugarpieme.tumblr.com/

Found this prompt on Tumblr: Natasha makes Clint throw fruit at her so she can play a real life version of fruit ninja. Fury banned her from using actual bombs.

I don't own any Characters....Also posted on Wattpad...

 

"You want me to do what?" Clint chuckled at Natasha, looking at her through the balcony bars where he sat.

"I want you to throw fruit at me. Like in that game you are always playing." Natasha grinned back, samurai sword in one hand.

"Fruit Ninja?! You want to play Fruit Ninja?"

"Yes. I am hungry, and bored. So start chucking Clint."

"And what about the bombs Natasha? Surely Fury wouldn't let you..."

"And I won't. Agent Romanov. I cannot allow you to play with live bombs on this bird." The grizzled voice of Nick Fury came from the platform next to Clint. By then Tony had already arrived with a container full of fruit and a growing crowd.

"Come on Hawky. How often does Romanov offer to cook for you." Tony quipped, ducking as Natasha threw an orange at him.

"Get started Clint, please. This is a PRIVATE training session." Snarled Natasha, slicing the falling apple.

"Not happening Natasha. Let's have some fun. Play it like the normal game, well, minus the bombs. The loser cleans up." Tony suggested, shooting a falling banana.

"Deal." Fury answered for Natasha, receiving a glare. "Live a little Romanov. That is a direct order."

"Yes Sir." Natasha replied, slicing easily through a watermelon.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:

"And the final score is Agent Natasha Romanov, 1,432. Tony Stark, 1,431. Romanov, you win." Fury announced, his eye roaming the training room. "Now Stark. Clean my bird up."

"At least we don't need to buy any more air freshener for a while" laughed Clint, peeling a slice of pear off his face and letting fall onto Tony's head "I hope no one is allergic to fruity scented air."


	2. The Tale of Nick Fury's eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt – Explain how Fury lost his eye, and it is not what you expect.

Prompt – Explain how Fury lost his eye, and it is not what you expect.

“Agent Hill, please come to my office.” Nick Fury barks over the com link, clutching his eye in agony. He had seen how the female agents had applied this devilish liquid, and he was determined to see how it worked.  
“Agent Hill reporting, Sir.” Maria Hill stood at attention at his doorway, an eyebrow raised at the beauty products on his desk and her boss clutching his eye.  
“Initiate security protocol 1-6-3.” Fury ordered, sending his office into complete audio and visual lockdown. It was saved for the highest classified information, and what was said in that room, stays in the room.  
“Permission to speak freely Sir?...Did you…stab yourself in the eye with…Mascara?” Hill asked, trying to hide her growing giggles behind her hand. She tried to stop giggling but broke out in complete laughter when Fury gave in and nodded.  
“Can you…eh…help me…” Fury spluttered, the words foreign in his mouth. Hill just broke down laughing, holding her stomach as she bent over, stuttering out for him to wash his eye out.  
Bending over the sink, Fury grimaced as he washed the cursed black liquid out of his eye, wiping his face dry as Hill eventually got hold of it.  
“Hill, how you do women apply this motherfucking liquid…” Fury cursed, slumping back into his chair, rubbing his eye.  
“Might I suggest that you stop rubbing you eye and wear this.” Hill answered, handing her boss the infamous eye patch. “Well, until you eye heals anyway.”  
“And might I say Hill. This never leaves my office.” Fury grimaced, putting on the eye patch.  
“Well, that certainly explains something…” Tony laughed, turning off the secret audio and visual feed from S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, racing to tell


	3. Cupid's Arrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint giving Natasha the arrow necklace

It was on one of their usual private date nights that Clint pulled out the small box.

  
“Nat, Tasha, I have a question for you.” Clint started nervously. His mouth went uncharacteristically dry and his hands started to shake, something very rare for the usually professional archer.

  
“Clint…” Natasha started, unsure of where this was leading. They had been dating for several years now, so her mind was flickering to a marriage proposal, but she wasn’t sure if Clint wanted to take that step.

  
“Just…just let me say this Nat. Ever since Budapest, we have had this special relationship. Sure we have had our ups and downs, and I know New York changed us in ways we could never imagine. I just…when we go on separate missions, I just wanted to give you something to remember me by. So that you would feel that I am there with you, no matter what the mission involved. I know that you feel that you won’t wear anything personal when you go on missions, just in case you were compromised, but I am sure you can wear this anytime. Any place.

  
“I don’t want you to wear it as Natalie Rushmann, or any of your other alias, but as Clint Barton’s girlfriend, the superspy who got out of the Red Room, who now works for S.H.I.E.L.D. The most kick-ass Avenger that the world has seen. I want you to think of me when you are wearing it, when I can’t be there to hold you through the nightmares, when I can’t be there to celebrate the successful missions that you go on, and the eventual day when we are separated for life.”

  
“Clint…” Natasha tried to interrupt, tears in her eyes, when Clint shook his head, telling her that he wanted to continue.

  
“Natasha, I just wanted to give you something that you would make you remember me. From the heat of battle, to the lonely nights here in the tower. For you to wear when you have to be the beautiful partner in an undercover op, to when we are lounging around in the common living room trying to explain stuff to Steve. I’m just trying to say…”  
Even now Clint had tears in his eyes, and Natasha’s had tears running down her face. She never knew that Clint loved her this much, and she hadn’t even seen the gift yet. Clint grabbed her face, pulling her into a deep kiss as he gently placed the box into her hand, pulling away slightly so she could see the silver arrow necklace that was lying in the satin box. Natasha gasped at its beauty, and Clint clasped the dainty chain around her neck, the arrow sitting perfectly in the hollow of her neck.

  
“Clint…it is beautiful…” Natasha burst into full tears, overwhelmed by that love that Clint had for her, and how she realised that she loved him the same way back.

  
“I love you Tasha…” Clint whispered, barely audible, holding Natasha’s hands.

  
“Love you too Clint…” Natasha’s voice wavered as she whispered it back.


	4. Tony Stark. Genius, Billionaire, Playboy and Philanthropist and Arsehole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Nat discuss Nat's mission in Iron Man 2.

“I swear….that fucking stuck up arse of a hole…” Natasha was going at it again. The evening was going perfectly well until he had to open his big mouth. Well done Clint. Clint and Natasha sat in their Brooklyn apartment, enjoying one of their rare nights off and he had to ask her about her latest mission. She was assigned to overlook Anthony Stark for S.H.I.E.L.D., to see if he would be ideal for a part of the ‘avengers’ initiative’. That genius, billionaire, playboy and philanthropist. And he made no secret of that fact. Nat was quite literally shaking in anger with his disgusting behaviour. How he made her skin crawl. Yet she had to keep on going as Natalie Rushman, personal assistant to Tony Stark.

It’s all over Nat. You don’t need to see him anymore.” Clint comforted, massaging Nat’s feet as they lounged on the couch, ignoring some cheesy romantic movie that the tv station had put on.

“Thank goodness for that.” Nat simply replied, taking a sip of her red wine, running her fingers through her now straight hair. She hated it being all curly, how it always got in the way as she fought, and now it was up in a messy ponytail. She only allowed Clint to see her like this, messy hair, no makeup, wearing a loose t-shirt and underwear.

“So how was this Pepper Potts I keep on hearing about? What is she like?” Clint asked, his hand casually stroking up and down Nat’s leg, leaning into the couch.

“She is alright, sometimes bossy, but that’s needed to keep Tony in line. When she is not bossy, she is actually quite nice.” Nat simply replied, sliding up and moving to straddle Clint. Clint noticed the shimmer of the arrow necklace he had bought her around her neck, and a warm smile crossed his face. Clint’s hands moved automatically to cup her perfect ass as she perched on him, their foreheads touching and their noses side to side.

“I must say Nat, you are quite perfect.” Clint mumbled, tilting his head to kiss his love softly.

“And I must say Clint, you are my guardian hawk.” Nat replied softly, leaning into the kiss.


	5. Melinda May's Hairy Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is afraid that they might get killed for touching May's hair, when in fact she loves having people play with it.

Brushing her hair, Melinda May rolled her eyes. Yes, it’s cool being a badass all of the time, but she has to maintain her appearance of being deadly. And sometimes, it’s a pain in the ass. She knew that the rest of the team is basically shit scared of her, Fitz and Simmions (or FitzSimmions she liked to think) could barely be in the same room as her, Skye is obviously uncomfortable with her, and Ward, well, Ward is a special case. The only person who is completely fine with her was Coluson. And well, he’s her boss.

Pulling the brush through her hair again, she relished in the feeling. No one alive knew that she loved the feeling of things running through her hair, and she hated the fact that no one would. Not even her mother would brush her hair when she was younger. Leaning back into her chair, she played with a lock of hair, twisting it around her fingers before letting it fall back into the rest of her hair. She remembered how her husband used to come up behind her, hugging her waist tightly as he buried his head into her neck, breathing in the smell of her cherry blossom shampoo. How when they were relaxing after a long day, he would unconsciously play with her hair while she was curled to his chest. How he would try to do her hair, and it would end up being a disaster. How just before he died he ran his fingers through her hair one last time.

Pulling her dark hair into a simple ponytail, Melinda stood up, placing her hairbrush down and turning to face the muscled body of Ward, relaxing in her bed with a smug smile plasted on his face. No. She thought to herself. No one was to know about what she felt when people ran their fingers through her hair.


	6. How Thor got banned from McDonalds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Thor got banned from McDonalds. Don't forget to send me messages! I really appreciate them! Or find me on Tumblr: I'm Sugarpieme.

“Show me some of your midgardian sustenance son of Stark!” Thor roared, slamming down his empty jug, for the fifth time. It was a common occurance in the Avengers Tower, for Tony, Steve and Thor to have a drink off, which often ended in the early morning when Pepper and Natasha take away the alcohol and send them to bed. And it was often Tony who came off worse for wear when they eventually wake up.

“Avengers! Assemble!” Tony drunkenly yelled, and despite the fact it was early morning, everyone gathered into the common room, Clint half asleep, Natasha wrapped in a towel and her skin damp, Pepper glaring at Tony while in her pyjamas, and Bruce emerging covered in grease.

“What’s the emergency, Anthony?” Pepper spat, a glare crossing her face that Natasha would have been proud of.

“Show me some of your midgardian sustenance son of Stark! I demand you do!” Thor roared again, standing up and staggering dangerously.

“We are departing on a noble quest to show Thor the wonders of this fine restaurant called McDonalds! Would you lovely dames like to accompany us?” Steve slurred, obviously having drunk so much that his serum couldn’t have processed all the alcohol.

“I’m going back to bed…” Pepper snapped, turning sharply and stalking back to her room.

“If you dare interrupt my shower for anything less than an alien invasion again Stark, I WILL castrate you…” Natasha growled, tightening the towel around her and heading back to her running shower.

“Sorry guys, I’m almost finished this new prototype.” Bruce quickly turned and headed back towards the elevator to go back down to the lab, leaving Clint, still half asleep.

“Hawkboy! Come with us!” Tony ran to Clint, throwing his arm around Clint, waking him up with his beer-stenched mouth.

“I am over 35 Tony…” Clint sighed, realising that he was the only sober ‘human’ adult there, and that he would have to take them to maccas, because if someone responsible wasn’t there, there would be a drunk god, a plastered super-soldier and an idiot in a metal suit running around Manhattan. And Fury would kill them all.

“Whatever Hawks. I think that Thor wants maccas. Now. So go get dressed.” Tony loudly whispered, watching a Thor who was trying to lick the last few drops out of his beer jug. Clint disappeared, returning shortly dressed in jeans and a plain shirt, sliding his phone which had S.H.I.E.L.D. on speed dial. Just in case.

“All righty boys, lets get you some food.” Clint groaned.

“Last one out pays!” Steve shouted, as the two men and the god stumbled to the door.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Hello, welcome to McDonalds, what can I get you tonight?” A shocked cash-register girl stuttered, watching four Avengers walk into the store, three obviously drunk.

“Hello, can I please order three happy meals with boy toys, all with coke and a Big Mac meal deal, medium with a cappuccino please.” Clint ordered, after sitting the other men down in a booth. Tony had told Thor about the happy meals and the toys involved, and Thor had eagerly ordered that each man was to get one.

“Ah, certainly…that’s just…” The girl continued to stutter, as Thor cried out wanting his toy.

“I will just paywave it. They had a big night. I wonder, could it be possible for them to get two toys each? I kinda don’t want the big man to get angry.” Clint whispered, motioning to Thor.

“Certainly. Here is your receipt.” The receipt was handed over to Clint, and within a minute, their order was ready. One of the better perks of being one of the Avengers. Clint took their food over to the table and squished in next to Tony, who grabbed the happy meals and divided them up to each respective owner, while Clint shooed off the growing crowd of onlookers. Opening the happy meals, each Avenger exclaimed in joy to reveal that the toy was miniature versions of themselves while Clint buried into his meal.

“Son of Rodgers! I have a miniature version of you!” Thor laughed, pulling out the Captain America toy, and dropped it he pushed the button that made the shield light up.“And I have a miniature version of Son of Banner, in his angry form!” Steve lent over and pushed the button on the back that made a really bad version of “Hulk, SMASH!” emerge from the toy. Tony lent back and started cracking up laughing, drinking some coke.

Next, Steve pulled out a small version of Iron Man, which made noises of Tony blasting off, grimacing as he threw it to Tony, as he pulled out a miniature version of Clint, with his bow strung over his back. Clint burst out laughing, coughing up the coffee that he was drinking.

“HEY! How does Steve get me? I want to get my own mini Iron Man.” Tony whined, eating his burger. Finally Tony ripped open his happy meal toys, having already basically swallowed his meal to reveal a tiny Natasha, looking as fierce as ever, and a miniature version of Thor, with his hammer in hand.

“Son of Barton! They have made the hammer wrong!” Thor cried out, shoving the toy from Tony’s hand into Clint’s half eaten meal. “Let me show you!”

“No Thor, it is ok, you don’t need to…oh fuck…” Clint cried out, as the hammer crashed through the walls and into Thor’s waiting hand. Clint turned around to face a very angry manager, letting out a sigh.

“Excuse me, but I must insist that you pay for that and leave…” The manager asked, raising an eyebrow to Thor and Tony fighting over the miniature version of Hulk.

“Certainly. Just bill us. Would it be too much to ask that I get three more of each Avenger toy? Just add it to the bill.” Clint whispered, creating a nod from the manager, taking the bag of toys from a timid young boy. “Thanks.” Added Clint, rubbing the young boys head before ushering out the other Avengers from the ruined maccas.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Agent Barton. Can you please explain why I got woken up by a phone call from Agent Hill telling me to get to the Avengers Tower?” Barked Fury, rubbing the sleep from his eye.

“Well, Tony, Thor and Steve got drunk and insisted that they went to McDonalds Sir. Whilst there, Thor discovered that the toy version of him was wrong, and he summoned his hammer to prove it. While summoning the hammer, it went through a wall.” Clint replied, casting his eyes over the sleeping Tony and the replication of the battle between New York that Steve and Thor was holding with their new toys.

“Well in that case, the repairs can come out of Thor’s pay, although I don’t think that he has spent any. I will also have to ban Thor from McDonalds as well. Thankyou Agent Barton for looking out for them. Dismissed.” Fury turned and stalked out of the tower, grumbling. Clint turned and strolled into his room, allowing sleep to overcome him as he quietly placed two McDonalds toys on the night stand, quickly stripping and sliding into the bed next to the sleeping form of Natasha, easily falling asleep, while the miniature Nat and Clint watched over them.


	7. Outdrinking Clint Barton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: You can out drink Clint Barton (coffee)
> 
> See story for explanation.

I should explain this one. On Tumblr, I follow thecvptain (you guys should follow this blog. Honestly. http://thecvptain.tumblr.com/ ), and they posted that if you send some info to them, they will give you a character to ship with, how you met and a headcannon. I got Clint Barton, we met as: we both argued with the same person at the movies. He was sitting behind you and the annoying loud person was in the front of the theater. You both started yelling at him from your seats, at the same moment, and the headcannon is that Clint cannot keep up with you, coffee cup wise. Hope that explains this fanfic!

Downing our fifth cup of full strength coffee for today, Clint’s blue eyes met mine, the black pupils almost hiding the vivid blue.

“Another?” He asked, his hands shaking from all the caffeine as he poured the next cups.

“Certainly.”

“What number is this?”

“Six.”

“Ok.” We silently downed the next cup of coffee, ignoring the coffee stains in the table that were slowly being formed. Hearing a creak outside the door, we both jumped as Tony and Natasha came inside, groaning as they saw the coffee drinking contest.

“They are at it again…Clint, don’t you remember what happened last time?” Natasha sighed, remembering how Clint was quite literally climbing the walls, and how he slipped and dislocated his shoulder.

“What? Oh, my shoulder is fine. Don’t worry, I won’t climb any more walls. I promise.” Clint replied, the caffeine making him speak at an almost un-hearable speed.

“Another?” I asked, having to reuse some cups while putting more coffee on to boil. We both started to drink until Clint dropped the cup, holding his stomach.

“I can’t…uhh…gerd I’m not feeling the best.” I finished a cup, an eyebrow raised at the hunched over form of Clint.

“Let’s take you to Bruce.” Natasha grabbed Clint, dragging him to the elevator. I turned to Tony, my eyebrow raised as I smiled at him.

“You’re next Stark.”


End file.
